


Play Me / Playing You

by Tcharlatan



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Anal Sex, Band Fic, Early Work, M/M, No Lube, POV Alternating, POV First Person, Sexual Tension, Workplace Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-04
Updated: 2012-12-04
Packaged: 2017-11-20 06:21:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/582236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tcharlatan/pseuds/Tcharlatan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyo has a fixation on Kaoru's hands. Kaoru has a fixation on Kyo's face. Eventually, one of them -has- to notice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Play Me - Kyo's PoV

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of pure fiction. I do not personally know any of the members of Dir en grey, and do not profit from this work.

I love watching Kaoru’s hands. Sometimes I wonder if it isn’t maybe a little unhealthy, the way that I always find myself staring at them when no one’s looking. It’s like an obsession. But they’re so hypnotic sometimes… the way his fingers dance so cleverly up and down the neck of his beloved guitar is enthralling, and the confidence of his every gesture makes my belly quiver with excitement. I want those hands for myself. I want to feel them on me, around me, in me. I want to bite them and suck on them and feel those delightful little calluses from years of manipulating hard strings manipulate me. I want to be _played_ by those hands.

Do I love Kaoru? Sure, of course I do. But I love Die, Totchi, and Shinya too. How could I not? We’ve been together so long, been through so much together, we’re like family now. Do I lust for Kaoru? Fuck yes. I haven’t always wanted his hands – that’s a fairly new obsession, maybe a month or two in the works – but I want them now, and I want them bad. Am I _in love_ with Kaoru? …That, I don’t know. I can see how I could be; Kao is smart, he’s funny, he’s confident, he’s gorgeous, he’s amazingly talented, and we have a ton of things in common. I’ve always looked up to him, since the day we met, what… five years ago now? Love wouldn’t be too much of a stretch, but I guess I’ve just never really sat down and tried to work it out. It just doesn’t seem that critical a question to answer.

This week has been particularly trying. I’ve been feeling a bit… _overstimulated,_ and all damn week, I’ve been staring at his hands every time I have half a chance, watching as he plays our newest songs over and over, striving always for perfection. I’m a little worried, though; several times, while I was supposed to be organizing where I wanted the lyrics to correspond with the music, he caught me watching him instead. The first few times, he stopped what he was doing and came over to ask me if I needed something. A couple times I managed to fumble out some banal question about the music or the schedule, but most times I couldn’t think of an excuse fast enough and I ended up just stuttering an apology and going back to work. Eventually, he stopped asking and just watched me until I noticed and tried to turn inconspicuously back to my task. I’ve come to accept my lust for Kaoru, but I still don’t really know what to do about it. I keep hoping this little infatuation will just die out on its own when something new catches my fancy.

We’re packing everything away for the day now, and I’m looking forward to a quick run to the bathroom to reacquaint myself with own hands. Watching him today got me riled up something fierce and I’m pretty sure my imagination isn’t going to let me last the whole ride home before my arousal becomes impossible to hide. I hate being hard-up on the bus. Plus, masturbating at work always gives me an extra little rush; the risk of being caught by a member of another band or one of the stodgy fuckers in management is a heady thrill. I cram all of my things into my bag and sling it over my shoulder, bouncing on the balls of my feet to bleed out some of the excess energy while I wait for our beloved leader to give us permission to leave.

Kaoru sets his guitar down on its stand rather than packing it away, but that’s no surprise. He almost always stays late on Fridays to get a little extra work done – playing with song compositions or dealing with paperwork none of the rest of us could be bothered to do or just fooling around on his instrument to wind down. He runs a fond hand down the neck of his guitar before addressing us, and I feel my pants tighten just a hair as I imagine that loving caress down _my_ neck. Or my back. Or my thighs. Or my butt. Anywhere.

…Fuck, I’m pathetic. He needs to hurry up and dismiss us so I can go jerk off in peace.

Kaoru claps his hands to get everyone’s attention. “Great work, everyone! We’ve made amazing progress this week. Die, the song you’re working on sounds great so far, but over the weekend I want you to think about fleshing out the bass line a little bit more. We don’t want Totchi getting bored and making shit up.”

Die sulks, but it’s halfhearted. “But it’s the weekend!”

“You don’t have to finish it, just think about it. Toshiya, when you’re practicing songs that we’ve already finished, please quit making shit up. You know it throws everyone off.”

“But I get _bored,_ ” Toshiya whines, batting his eyelashes prettily at Kaoru. He’s in a mood today.

“I don’t care. If you’re that worried, work with Die and write a bass line that’s more fun for you. Shinya, please put some ice on that wrist and try to rest up during the break. I doubt it’s more than a strain, but we don’t want to risk you.”

Shinya bows his head a little. “Yes, Kaoru.”

“Poor Shin-chan’s little birdie bones are so delicate,” Die whispers loudly to Toshiya.

Totchi snickers. “Every time he breaks a drumstick I’m amazed he doesn’t break his arm instead.”

“And Kyo?” Kaoru calls.

“Yeah?” I ask, and I’m pretty sure I completely fail at keeping my impatience out of my tone. I already know what he’s going to say; rest my voice, think about putting lyrics to some of the new songs, try not to oversleep on Monday. I’ve heard it all before.

“Can you stay back a bit? There’s something I need to talk to you about. Everyone else, enjoy your weekend. We’ll see you bright and early Monday morning.”

What?!

_Goddamn it!_

I grunt and move away from the door to let the others through.

Toshiya chuckles, slinging his bass over his shoulder as he tugs Die’s sleeve to urge the him out of the room. “Oh shit, Kyo-chan’s in trooouuuble.”

I growl at the blue-haired devil’s retreating back. “Don’t call me that!”

“Later, Warumono! Good luck!” Die calls over his shoulder, waving at me.

Idiots. But they’re _my_ idiots – brilliant and phenomenally talented – and I suppose I wouldn’t have them any other way.

Shinya just bobs his head in farewell and follows after them and I sigh, letting my bag drag along the floor as I cross the room to flop onto the couch, resigned to my fate. I’m not sure how long I can stand to be alone with Kaoru when I’m already so worked up. I subtly shift around until my half-hard dick is at least mostly concealed against my thigh, then press my knees together to keep it in place. I wish I hadn’t gotten myself all psyched up to jerk off. Hopefully this won’t take too long, and he won’t need me to stand up or anything. He shuts the door behind them before crossing the room and sitting on the coffee table in front of me with an odd look on his face, almost like… curiosity? Amusement? Yeah, he’s definitely amused… what the hell?

“What’s up, Kao?” I ask.

“You seem a little… _distracted_ lately, Kyo,” he says, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “Is everything okay?”

Fuck. He’s way too damn close and it’s damaging my already-tenuous calm. Alright, fine, if this is all he’s worried about, maybe we can get it over with quickly. “Yeah, of course. Just kind of an off week, I guess,” I mumble – casually, I hope – scratching the back of my head.

“You know you can always tell me if something’s bothering you, right?”

Kaoru’s hand comes out to rest on my knee and my brain shuts down completely. Oh. Fuck. Me. My jeans have massive holes torn out of the knees; when he put his hand down, it landed on bare flesh and even such an innocent, unassuming touch sent sparks flying in my belly. I can’t help but stare at the hand. I really like how it looks against my skin, just a shade paler than me, with a firm, supportive grip. What would that grip feel like on my ass, groping so shamelessly? On my thighs, hitching my leg up for easier access? On my dick, rubbing me off? Fuck. I have to squeeze my thighs tighter together to hide my steadily-hardening arousal.

“You know… I thought I was imagining it at first, but… shit, Kyo, you’re not exactly subtle, are you?” He chuckles a little, low and easy.

“…Uh… I…” I stammer, feeling completely stupid as his hand glides up my knee, ever so slowly, to disappear into the hole in my jeans and slide over my thigh.

“I’m sure I already know, but I kind of want to hear it from your mouth. Kyo… are you attracted to me?”

Fuck! Fuck, fuck, FUCK! I can’t say I appreciate being caught with this… what is it, a crush? Infatuation? I don’t know. Whatever it is, I had been very much hoping that it would go away before Kaoru ever noticed it. I’m pretty sure that if his hand – gods that hand! – wasn’t currently sliding up the hole in my pants to caress my thigh, I would be able to think of some plausible excuse for my behavior. As it was, all I could think of was how I liked the press of guitar-string calluses against my flesh, and- oh shit, that’s a pretty obvious tent, isn’t it? Gods, Kaoru must think I’m such a fucking freak! He’s barely touching me and I’m already so damn hard I’m staining the front of my jeans! But he’s been teasing me all day – the way his fingers press and pluck and slide at the strings of his guitar, the way he splays them and stretches them and curls them to work out the kinks when he’s taking a break, the way he twines his hair around and through them when he’s puzzling out problems...

Ahhh, his palm is so warm, and smoother than I thought it would be… _FUCK!_

The hand slips out of the hole in my jeans and slides up to hook behind my neck, cradling the back of my head. “Well if you’re just going to sit there with your mouth open, I guess I should take it as an invitation?”

Is my mouth open? …Oh fuck me. Yeah, I guess it was, ‘cause it’s pretty full of Kaoru’s tongue now. _Gods_ , he’s fucking delicious; he tastes like cola and cigarettes. A smell so completely Kaoru floods my nose and I hear a fairly undignified squeak between us as I jerk my hands up to fist into his hair, holding him in place so I can kiss him back. I hope it hadn’t been me making that sound… but I’m fairly certain it had. I can’t care about that now. I can’t care because his free hand is sliding up under my shirt, fingertips gliding over my quivering belly and sending little waves of electricity through my every nerve. Then the mouth on mine is pulling back with a wet smack and my eyes flutter open – when had they closed? – to find Kaoru looming over me, with a smirk on his lips and a fond look in his eyes. At some point while we were kissing, I had moved to lie back on the couch with my shoulders braced against the arm, pulling him down with me by his hair.

Holy shit. _Holy shit_ , Kaoru just kissed me. Yeah, I kissed him back, but he initiated it, and I don’t… this makes no sense.

“K-Kaoru?”

“If you want me to stop, you’re going to have to tell me now, because I’ve been thinking about this all fucking day. It feels like you have been too.”

Has he really? …Hell, he really has. A hard heat is straining insistently between his legs, pressing against my thigh and rocking just the tiniest bit, as if he can’t quite control himself. He grins and leans down to nudge against my ear, his lips brushing over the edge, and I shiver as he whispers, “Do you want me to stop, Kyo?”

I push my hips up against him experimentally. He meets my thrust without hesitation and his wandering hand brushes against an over-sensitive nipple, wringing a startled gasp out of me. Either this is a dream – and a damn good one – or he’s playing a joke on me with astounding dedication, _or_ he actually wants to fool around. Two of those options are fine by me, and I like my odds; Kaoru’s jokes are typically not so cruel or elaborate as this would have to be.

“Do you?” He pinches my nipple lightly, rolling the nub between his fingertips.

“No! Gods, Kao, no, I don’t want you to stop…” I groan, letting my head roll back against the arm of the couch.

I can feel him grin against my ear before he nips the lobe a little and sits up, straddling my hips as he yanks his shirt off over his head. Gods, he’s so fucking gorgeous. I can’t stay my hands from reaching up to press my palms against him, sliding over his lean chest down to his toned belly, then around to feel up his sides to his shoulders. For all of his attempts at femininity or even androgyny in make-up and costuming, Kaoru can never be anything other than male – wholly and absolutely and gloriously male. He’s all hard, sharp edges and masculine lines and it makes me absolutely crazy with lust. I don’t get to explore much, though, before he’s yanking at my shirt and I have to raise my arms to let him pull it off.

I sit up just enough to fumble at his belt buckle, jerking it open and tugging at the fly of his pants impatiently. It all comes apart – button and zipper – seemingly all at once, his erection spilling out in its thin boxer tent as it’s finally freed of the retraining jeans. He’s returning the favor before I can get any further and he pushes me back just a little roughly to lie down again, pulling at my pants and boxers simultaneously. I lift my hips and tug my legs back until I’m free of the garments, lying completely bare beneath him. I can’t help it; I wrap my hand around my dick and pump at it furiously once, twice, three times before he catches my wrist and stops me.

“Not without me, you greedy little bastard!”

I would protest the comment, but the fingers of his free hand are pressing against my lips and all I can do is take them into my mouth. I suck at them hard, sliding my tongue over and between every digit with what has to be a horribly wanton moan. I hear and feel him shifting around, and a heady little thrill rushes through me as I hear his jeans hitting the floor. His bare legs slide over mine and I rock up against him instinctively, groaning as I manage to rub our erections together. I hear him moan as well, and the sound is so fucking good I can hardly stand it.

His fingers slid out of my mouth and I whine at the loss, but my complaint is short-lived when I feel one of the slick digits pressing inside of me. His free hand is wrapped around my dick now, sliding up and down over it just enough to keep me from going after it myself. Gods, I love his hands! They’re everything I imagined they would be and so much more as he adds a second finger, then a third; he knows just how and when to flex or curl a finger, to press and slide and rub and massage. Gods help me, he plays me just as skillfully as he plays that damn guitar, and it’s a short order before I’m reduced to a writhing, moaning puddle of pleasure beneath him.

He pulls his fingers out and looks around us, baring his teeth impatiently, and his loss of composure is beautiful. “We don’t have any-”

“Let me,” I interrupt him, pushing him back to sit against the opposite arm of the couch.

He looks confused for a split second, but it dissolves into shock and bliss as I grab onto his hips and take his erection into my mouth. I can’t fit all of it – this is only the second time in my life I’ve ever sucked another man off, and I was too drunk to get much done the last time – but that’s fine. The point is to get him slick, not get him off. He moans and grabs onto either side of my head, only pulling my hair a little as I run my tongue over as much of his dick as I can, panting impatiently against the hard flesh. When he’s wet enough for my satisfaction, I climb into his lap, bracing my hands against his shoulders for support. He grabs my hip in one hand and his own arousal in the other, guiding it into me as I lower myself onto him.

It’s a tight fit – both of us had been fairly impatient for preparation, and I probably haven’t been stretched as much as I should be – and I have to stop halfway to give myself a chance to adjust. We’re both panting hard, and Kaoru leans forward to press his lips against my collar bone, the hand on my hip sliding up to rub my back. Swallowing thickly, I grit my teeth and try to relax as I clamp my legs around his body and push down in one swift motion, taking him the rest of the way in and shocking cries from the both of us.

“You ha-… you have no… idea… how fuckin’… beautiful you are… right now,” he pants, pulling me down to kiss me again, deeply.

I’m shaking as I kiss him back – the pain is startling, and does a lot to pull me back from the bleeding edge of arousal I’d been teetering on – but I know that it gets better. I force myself to start moving up and down, my focus split between the slick press of his tongue against mine, and the delicious friction of his cock sliding in and out of my ass. He starts rocking up against me, and the pain is slowly fading, ever so slowly…

“A-AH!” I cry out, my back arching as he brushes against something inside me that sends bolts of pleasure up my spine.

He’s groaning as well – I think I may have clamped down on him just now – and his self-control is apparently shattered. He lunges forward, pushing me onto my back again and hitching one of my legs up until my thigh is pressing into my chest. His other hand comes up and presses his fingers into my mouth again, and my eyes roll back into my head blissfully as I suck on them with everything I have and he begins thrusting into me wildly from both ends. I feel completely filled and stretched and used and he keeps hitting that spot inside me, it’s so fucking amazing I can hardly breath for the overwhelming ecstasy coursing through me. He uses my saliva as lube a second time, reaching between us to jerk at my arousal somewhat off-kilter with the rhythm of his thrusting. It’s just like him; to make such perfect harmony with what should be conflicting cadences. Even now, lost in the throes of passion, he’s playing me like a goddamn musical instrument, and he’s just as skilled as ever, so what can I do but what his compositions always inspire me to do? I throw my head back and sing for him, moaning and crying his name at the top of my lungs.

I’m much too far gone to hold myself back for very long with those _hands_ wrenching pleasure from me so deftly. My vision goes white and I scream as I buck up against him, spilling my release all over his chest and his hand – Gods, that hand! – and my belly. My hips keep rocking after he’s milked me dry, even though I have nothing left to give, and his thrusting rapidly dissolves into mindless rutting. Only moments after me, he goes completely rigid as he paints my insides with molten liquid, his eyes rolling back into his head behind fluttering eyelashes. When he’s spent, he collapses onto me and neither of us can do anything but pant and try to steady our racing heartbeats.

“He-… heavy…” I grunt after a minute, pushing at him halfheartedly.

He grumbles and rolls us both onto our sides on the narrow couch, keeping me close so he doesn’t slip out of me in the process. It’s an oddly… _intimate_ feeling, holding him inside of me even after we’ve taken our pleasure from one another, and I wonder at it, looking up at him. I guess I never really stopped to ask… what did this mean to Kaoru? What does he want from me now; was this just a fling, or was he hoping for something more? For that matter, what do I want? I don’t know if I love Kaoru, but as I said, I think it would be very easy to do so. Moreso now than ever before. Our relationship has changed now, irrevocably… but into what? He gives me a tired smile and presses a light kiss to my forehead, pushing my bangs out of my face with a gentle hand.

“Don’t worry about it. If you want, we can talk about it later, but for now, just sleep.”

“Mmm…”

A smart man, my Kaoru. I oblige, tucking my head under his chin where it’s nice and dark and everything smells like him and close my eyes with a content sigh. Maybe this was a fling, and it will never happen again. Maybe we’re falling together, and something new is going to blossom between us. I have no way of knowing right now, so why bother fretting about it? I’m happy either way, because I finally got to feel those hands on me, in me, and around me – touching me and loving me and playing me like I’d so badly wanted.

And they are everything I’d imagined they would be.

 

 


	2. Playing You - Kaoru's PoV

I’ve always been fascinated by Kyo’s face. He has a capricious personality, shifting from one emotion to the next with ease that would make the greatest actor sick with envy, and his face is always representative of that volatility. It can be very harsh, particularly when we’re on stage and he’s performing – all snarling teeth and furrowed brows and wild eyes – but it can also be very soft and sweet. In the five years that we’ve known each other, I’ve seen more expressions from him than I can possibly count, and each one is as captivating as the last.

When he’s relaxed and happy, his eyes are big and soft, and his mouth spreads out into the sweetest smile. When he’s feeling smug, his eyes narrow up just a bit, and his lips pull off to one side in an unbelievably cocky smirk. When he’s in a playful mood, his eyes get wide and his eyebrows creep up and his nose crinkles just a little with the force of his grin. When he’s confused, or thoughtful, his eyebrows furrow in, and he purses his lips, often with an irritated huffing sound. And when he’s feeling lost or insecure or afraid, when he thinks no one’s looking, his eyes will soften and his eyebrows will lift the tiniest bit in the center, the corners of his mouth sinking as if he no longer has the capacity to smile ever again.

I know it’s probably not healthy, to so obsessively watch a friend and coworker. But as I’ve gotten to know Kyo over the years, I’ve found myself carrying something of a torch for him; enamored by his sweet fierceness, his unyielding faith and dedication to our dream, his wicked humor. It’s nothing invasive, of course. I’ve dated other people over the years, fallen in and out of love, in and out of beds. I’ve long since come to accept that I want Kyo as a lover, but I don’t really need him as anything more than a good friend, and I can be content as long as I have that.

For the past couple of months, though, I’ve noticed a new expression on his face… a glossiness that comes over his eyes, a flush that stains his cheeks, sometimes his tongue will even peek out to trace over his lip.

Up until this week, I’d only been able to catch fleeting glimpses of this new look; he was very quick to turn away whenever I looked up. But on Monday, I found him staring at me with that expression again, and he didn’t notice right away. He was watching my guitar, or – if the way his eyes tracked were any indication – my hands. I went to ask him if he needed something, thinking maybe he wasn’t feeling well, and imagine my surprise when the glazed look was suddenly swallowed up by a deer-in-headlights stare. Kyo does not typically fluster easily, but apparently I’d caught him off guard. It happened twice more that day before I stopped asking him what he needed.

After that, I found myself glancing up periodically to see if he was looking at me with that new expression again and more often than not, he was. By Wednesday it finally struck me; he looked _aroused._ It was a curious realization, and I had to reexamine that look several times to be sure, but I didn’t find it all that terrifically difficult to believe. Again, Kyo is a very capricious creature; his wants and interests are constantly shifting and never predictable. Evidently, they’ve now settled on me, and who am I to look such a damn gorgeous gift horse in the mouth?

It’s Friday now, and everyone is packing up to leave. My heart is pounding as I set my guitar into its stand. I decided this afternoon – after the third time I caught Kyo staring at me – that I can’t actually think of a good reason not to pursue my interest now that it’s apparently being returned. So I’m going to make my move. Today. Kyo is standing right by the door, bouncing a little impatiently with a faint flush on his cheeks, and I know he’s probably planning to stop off in the bathroom to masturbate before he goes home. That’s nothing new – he’s been doing it every now and again ever since we signed onto the record label and started holding practices at the studio – but it does give me hope for his response to my advance. Business comes first, though; there’s the whole rest of the band to deal with.

I clap my hands, and all four heads in the room turn to me. “Great work, everyone, we’ve made amazing progress this week. Die, the song you’re working on sounds great so far, but over the weekend I want you to think about fleshing out the bass line a little bit more. We don’t want Totchi getting bored and making shit up.”

Die pretends to sulk at me, because it wouldn’t be Die if he didn’t. “But it’s the weekend!”

Normally I don’t mind his lighthearted teasing, but I don’t really want to dick around with him today. I know he won’t mind if I don’t play this time; they all understand that I sometimes have to balance my friendship with them against the quasi-leadership role I’ve taken on. “You don’t have to finish it, just think about it. Toshiya, when you’re practicing songs that we’ve already finished, please quit making shit up. You know it throws everyone off.”

“But I get _bored,_ ” Toshiya whines, pouting at me playfully.

“I don’t care. If it’s that bad, work with Die and write a bass line that’s more fun for you. Shinya, please put some ice on that wrist and try to rest up during the break. I doubt it’s more than a strain, but we don’t want to risk you.”

Shinya – ever dutiful – just nods. “Yes, Kaoru.”

“Poor Shin-chan’s little birdie bones are so delicate,” Die whispers loudly to Toshiya.

Toshiya snickers in response, “Every time he breaks a drumstick I’m amazed he doesn’t break his arm instead.”

And finally, I get to the one I’ve been looking forward to. “And Kyo?”

“Yeah?”

I have to hold back a smirk. He sounds so impatient.“Can you stay back a bit? There’s something I need to talk to you about. Everyone else, enjoy your weekend. We’ll see you bright and early Monday morning.”

Ah, I know _that_ look very well. His eyes are wide, his eyebrows are furrowed, and his lips are parted just a bit. He’s surprised and definitely not pleased. He grudgingly moves away from the door to let everyone else out.

Toshiya can’t help but tease our little vocalist on his way out. “Oh shit, Kyo-chan’s in trooouuuble.”

Kyo bares his teeth in a familiar snarl, bristling. “Don’t call me that.”

No one is intimidated, of course. I think we’re all past the days when we can believe Kyo is the vicious little devil he pretends to be, and all any of us can see anymore is the sweetness that lies closer to his core.

Die grins cheekily and waves at him as he passes by. “Later, Warumono! Good luck!”

Shinya nods to us silently in farewell and follows after them. Kyo’s sulking now; he lets his bag drag on the ground as he goes over to the couch and flops down onto it. I can’t help but notice, though, that instead of sprawling his legs out like he usually does, he’s got his thighs pressed together. His cheeks are still flushed as well, just the tiniest bit. How precious; he’s gotten himself all worked up, and now he’s trying to hide a hard-on. I’m fairly excited myself – having been imagining this moment for most of the day – but I think I can control it for now. I shut the door to our practice room and move to sit on the low coffee table in front of him.

“What’s up, Kao?” he asks.

I lean forward, watching him closely to gauge his reactions. “You seem a little… distracted lately, Kyo. Is everything okay?”

There’s that deer-in-headlights look again, but he pulls it back quickly and tries to look nonchalant as he mumbles, “Yeah, of course. Just kind of an off week, I guess.”

 “You know you can always tell me if something’s bothering you, right?” I reach out one hand to rest it on his knee, noting absently that I’m touching bare skin through a gaping hole in his jeans.

Wow. That was almost instant; the second I touched him, his eyes snapped down to stare at my hand and the faint pink tinge that’d been staining his cheeks flared into a full-on blush. His breathing picks up a little and I’m pretty sure I just saw the bulge in his pants twitch.

I chuckle a bit, gently, so he doesn’t think I’m mocking him. “You know… I thought I was imagining it at first, but… shit, Kyo, you’re not exactly subtle, are you?”

“…Uh… I…”

His eyes get wide as I slide my hand up into the hole in his pants, moving away from his knee to feel along his thigh. Mnn… goddamn, he has nice legs, so firm and smooth… His pants are definitely tenting now, and I revel in the affect my simple touch is having on him. “I’m sure I already know, but I kind of want to hear it from your mouth. Kyo… are you attracted to me?”

He looks a little panicked and almost… guilty? Like he just got caught with his hand in my cookie jar. That expression is warring with somewhat pervasive arousal; he can’t seem to take his eyes off of where my hand disappears into the hole in his jeans. His lips part as if he’s trying to think of something to say to me, but nothing comes out right away, so I wait patiently, just enjoying the warm flesh of his thigh against my palm. After a while, I realize that he isn’t going to say anything, and I take his stunned, enraptured silence as a ‘yes.’ With a heady little rush, I remove my hand from his leg and hook it behind his neck, cradling the back of his head lightly.

“Well if you’re just going to sit there with your mouth open, I guess I should take it as an invitation?”

I lean forward to press my lips to his and feel a little shiver rush through him as I slip my tongue into his mouth. I hear him utter a needy little squeak before his hands are buried in my hair and he’s kissing me back with all the sweet ferocity I’ve always imagined he would. I almost can’t believe that this is really happening; years of quietly watching Kyo, wanting him, and now finally having him. He’s twisting around to lie back on the couch, pulling me with him and a low moan escapes me as he laps eagerly at my mouth, all full lips and soft tongue and just a hint of sharp teeth. My free hand is creeping up his shirt without my permission, and I love the way his stomach shivers so excitedly against my palm as he arches up into my touch. Eventually, the need for air forces me to pull back, and I stare down at him, memorizing this new face with a fond warmth spreading through my chest, taking in the way his eyelashes fan so sweetly against the top curve of his pink cheeks and how his lips, glossy with shared saliva, part just enough for him to pant a little. His eyes flutter open and he looks up at me with a delicious mixture of arousal, wonder, and absolute confusion.

“K-Kaoru?”

He looks somewhat overwhelmed, and I feel a little bad for putting him on the spot this way. I’ve had all day to prepare myself for this moment, he had maybe five minutes. I rub my palm over his belly, murmuring, “If you want me to stop, you’re going to have to tell me now, because I’ve been thinking about this all fucking day. It feels like you have been too.”

He stares up at me, startled. I realize – I think he might be realizing as well – that I’m grinding myself against his thigh. I’m painfully hard now, and I can’t help but seek out just a little bit of friction. I worry a bit, because if I’ve read him wrong – if I’ve pushed this too far, too fast, if I’ve taken advantage of him somehow and this isn’t really what he wants – what I’ve already done could ruin us. I lean down to nuzzle against the soft shell of his ear, feeling him shiver against me as I whisper to him.

“Do you want me to stop, Kyo?”

My last shred of worry disappears completely when I feel him rock his hips up against my stomach, feel his erection grind against me eagerly. I moan and meet him with a thrust of my own. A little thrill washes through me when he gasps, his body jerking up against mine as my hand that’s been exploring under his shirt brushes against skin that’s a little softer than the rest. I take hold of the tiny nub and roll it gently between my thumb and forefinger, wringing a needy little moan from his throat.

“Do you?”

His head falls back against the arm of the couch and I lose myself in expression of pleasure that’s taken over his face. “No! Gods, Kao, no, I don’t want you to stop…”

With that, any last trace of hesitance between us is shattered and I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face as I sit up. My heart is pounding and my dick is throbbing as I pull my shirt off and throw it aside, so excited I can hardly stand it. His hands come up to slide over my stomach, my chest, my sides, my shoulders. He’s looking at me like he wants to devour me. I reach down to tug impatiently at his shirt, and he pouts a little when he has to take his hands off of me so I can get the thing off. Once it’s gone, he’s touching me again, yanking impatiently at my belt and the fly of my pants until he finally manages to tear them open, revealing insistent bulge of my erection under my boxers. He licks his lips once, eyeing my arousal hungrily, and I groan, pushing him back down to pull at his tattered jeans. He rolls his hips up helpfully so I can pull the garment off, and once he’s bare, his hand is on himself, grabbing his dick and pumping at it shamelessly, as if he just can’t hold himself back any longer.

I grab his wrist to stop him. “Not without me, you greedy little bastard!”

He frowns a little, either because I stopped him or because of my comment, but I reach one hand up and pressed my fingers against his lips before he can say anything. I only meant to quiet him, but he opens up immediately, taking my fingers into his mouth. He lets out a needy little moan and I shiver as he sucks and licks at my flesh ardently, his tongue sliding over and around and between each digit. I shift around until I can get my pants off, then move to settle on top of him again. He rocks up against me immediately and I groan when he manages to grind his erection directly into mine.

I pull my fingers out of that intoxicating mouth and he whines a little, but it’s cut off by an indulgent moan when I move my hand down to press one digit into his other entrance, the penetration eased by his own saliva. I wrap my other hand around his arousal, rubbing the pulsating flesh to keep him relaxed as I stretch him as quickly as I can. He lets out such incredible noises, and gods, the look on his face when I add a second finger, scissoring them in and out of him, when I add a third, massaging against his insides. He’s flushed, his lips are red and just a little swollen, his tongue darting out to trace over them as he pants, his eyes are rolled back into his head.

I look around as I pull my fingers free, grimacing when I can’t find any sort of lotion or oil to use as a lubricant. “We don’t have any-”

He’s on me before I can finish my sentence, pushing me to lie back so our positions are reversed. “Let me.”

Oh gods, his mouth is amazing – soft and hot and wet as it engulfs the top half of my erection – and I gasp as I fold my fingers into his hair. I can hardly breathe except to moan as he treats my dick to the same treatment he had my fingers, sucking and licking at it messily. It’s not the most skilled head I’ve ever received, but it’s easily the most enthusiastic, and the look on his face as he does it is almost enough to get me off on the spot. Then he’s rising and I let go of his hair so he can straddle my lap, his hands coming up to grip my shoulders for support. He looks so eager, aching so badly for release, and I reach out to grasp his hip with one hand, taking my dick in the other to position it as he begins sinking onto me.

He is so. Fucking. Tight. We’re both panting, and he’s whimpering a little as he stops halfway down to try to adjust. He looks pained and I lean forward to kiss his neck and collarbone, letting go of his hip to rub his back in an attempt to help him relax. I want to feel bad for not taking more time to prepare him, but it’s hard when he feels so fucking good around me. I feel the vice grip around my arousal slacken just a bit, feel his throat constricting under my lips as I kiss his neck, then his legs clamp down around me and he slams down onto me, taking me in to the hilt. We both cry out then, and my vision goes white for a split second as I’m surroundedby quivering, glorious, constrictive heat.

“You ha-… you have no… idea… how fuckin’… beautiful you are… right now.” I have to tell him.

He’s shaking and I know he has to be hurting. I pull him down to kiss him deeply, gently, fighting to keep myself still until he’s ready. He mewls a little, plaintively, and starts to move up and down on me. The friction is amazing, his saliva providing only enough lubrication to allow easy movement, and it’s more than I can take. I start rocking up against him, sliding my tongue along his as I feel him start to loosen up just a fraction at a time. I roll my hips, changing the angle of my thrusts to push in deeper-

“A~AH!” he cries out, breaking out kiss to arch his back.

He’s clamping down around me and the last vestiges of my self-control are blown apart. I rock forward, pulling one of his legs up as I push him onto his back to give myself more leverage to drive in and out of him. I want to give him more, to hear him moan louder, feel him quiver and constrict around me. Want to see that look of ecstasy wash over his features again. My clean hand slides up of its own volition to press two fingers into his gaping mouth and he latches onto them, sucking and licking at them wantonly as I break down and just fuck him from both ends. When my hand is coated in slick spit, I reach down between us to wrap my fingers around his erection and stroke it as I rock into him. He rises up to meet my every thrust, his fingers clutching at my shoulders as if he’s afraid to fall, afraid to lose what’s building between us. And he sings for me – gods does he ever sing! He pants, he moans, he whimpers and screams my name, and every new sound I wring from him is accompanied by the most exquisite expressions of wild euphoria.

We’ve both been waiting and wanting too long to keep it up for very long. He loses it first, bucking into an impossible arch and throwing his head back with a scream that shakes the air around us. I feel heat splash over my hand, against my belly and chest as his passage clamps down around me with the force of his orgasm, his hips continuing to roll against me even after he’s drained. I fall into sloppy, uncoordinated pounding into him, absolutely using him for my own pleasure now that he’s found his, reveling in the every sensation of having him under me, around me, swallowing me whole. My eyes roll back into my head, stars flashing in my vision as I empty myself inside him, filling him – _staining_ him – with my seed. I feel like my climax releases every last trace of energy I had, and I can’t hold myself up anymore, collapsing onto him as we both struggle to catch our breath.

After a few moments, he pushes at me a little, huffing, “He-… heavy…”

Ugh… moving sounds like more effort than it’s worth right now, but I know I must be crushing him. I roll us both so we’re on our sides. I have to hold him close to keep him from falling off the couch, but I don’t have to stay inside of him. It takes some effort to do so, but I manage. I don’t want to leave him… don’t want to lose this amazing connection, the feeling of being inside of him, locked together so intimately. He looks up at me with that curious little frown I’ve studied so many times, and I know he’s noticed that I had to choose to keep us this way. He looks a little lost, almost certainly unsure of how what we’ve done is going to change things between us, and I smile at him, kissing his forehead and brushing some of his hair out of his face so I can look at him properly.

“Don’t worry about it,” I murmur, too tired to deal with it right now. “If you want, we can talk about it later, but for now, just sleep.”

“Mmm…”

He seems content with that, tucking his head underneath my chin with a soft sigh. He falls asleep quickly, just as one might expect from him, and I pull back just long enough to study his visage in post-coital respite. It’s beautiful, like all of his other expressions, and I smile fondly before closing my eyes. After so long studying Kyo’s many faces, so long nursing this little flame of desire for him, of course I’ve wondered what he would look like in the throes of passion. And no matter what happens between us, I am content to have seen the faces of his pleasure. To see how his eyes glaze and roll, how his cheeks flush and bead with sweat, how his mouth falls open to gasp and moan. I finally got to see these facets of a side of his personality that had previously been forbidden to me; to see new expressions that I had only fantasized about before.

And they are everything I’d imagined they would be.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This started out as an attempt at a oneshot, but then I kind of ruined that by writing the second part from Kaoru's perspective. I still like to pretend it's a oneshot, just because both parts describe the same scene, and it was a hell of a lot of fun trying to get the characterization distinct enough that it wasn't just the same story twice, so I count it as a victory overall. Hope you enjoyed my little experiment!


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